Contract Distilling & Dominant Spirits – A Business Arrangement with the Kilted Dragon

If you think paperwork and power dynamics don’t mix, you’ve clearly never entered into a contract distilling agreement with the Kilted Dragon.

It began, as most poor decisions do, with a casual suggestion over lunch (which was, incidentally, just three shots of barrel-strength rum and a scotch egg). I muttered something like, “You know, people might pay good money to have you make spirits for them.”

She didn’t blink. She just leaned in, exhaled rum-soaked fire, and whispered,

“Oh, I do contract work, darling. I make hot dominant spirits that break you in… and bottle you up.”

Within 24 hours, I was back at her steamy, spice-scented workshop. She was dressed for business—leather apron, tartan sash, stilettos with steel heels. On the workbench: paperwork, wax stamps, and a paddle. For emphasis, she said.

“People think contract distilling is just recipes and margins,” she growled, pouring out samples. “But when they come to me, they want more. They want a spirit with command presence. Something that walks into a room and says, ‘Strip, sip, and kneel.’”

Together, we built a rum blend for a goth bar in Dundee that “tastes like velvet, sin, and your last bad decision.” We created a vodka for a performance artist that left a smoky kiss on your throat. One guy wanted gin that “feels like being told off by a duchess.” She nailed it.

Her rule? No weak spirits. No half-hearted blends. Everything bottled in fire and bound in wax.

She even made them sign NDAs—“Not-so-Distilled Agreements”—because once you’ve seen how the Dragon breathes life into a barrel, you’ll either worship her or weep.

By the end of the week, we’d filled twelve bespoke orders, burned through two pallets of herbs, and I had rope burns from where I “accidentally” leaned too close to a restraint demo.

Key takeaways:

• Contract distilling, Dragon-style, involves floggers, flavor notes, and a healthy fear of spreadsheets.

• The term “dominant spirits” is no metaphor.

• She now offers a “Bespoke Branding and Punishment” package. With monogrammed paddles.